When My Heart Fails Me

When My Heart Fails Me

“But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning’s that cannot be expressed in words”

Romans 8:26 NLT


Oh God, I need you to carry me through this circumstance. The pain seems to be more than I can bare and I don’t know how long I can go on.

There are times in our lives when we encounter the sorrow of suffering. Our response, if we can stir up any is to collapse in grief. The only sound that comes forth from the depth of my soul is that of heartache. I cannot find the necessary words to form a sentence. Or even how to ask God for what it is I need.

Our family has been riddled with drug abuse. It has wreaked its havoc on our household for many, many years. The enemy steals away our loved ones as he convinces them that ‘partying’ is the thing to do.

This is no new reality to so many families these days. It’s almost epidemic in proportion. Your baby, your child, now grown up to make his own choices is taking a path to destruction. All hopes and dreams of what you thought would make up your lives seems to be vanishing slowly. Days turn into weeks, and weeks into months until pretty soon you begin wondering if there will ever be an end.

For many years I would pray for the salvation of my loved ones. Knowing full well that their choices could easily take their lives. I wasn’t foolish to think there were no consequences to their choices. But how was I going to handle it if the news came that they died from overdose?

I don’t want this pain to become bitterness. I am afraid that it just might. My tears overwhelm me and joy seems to evade me. How can I endure any longer? So I decided to take my prayer chair to a corner, a new corner of our property. I needed that place I could meet with God and freely cry out the groaning’s I was holding in. If I don’t let them out, these feelings will consume me.

I placed my chair beneath the palm tree. There were plenty of tears to shed but I had no words. I couldn’t find any. Really, what was I going to ask the God of the universe for? Save my son. Save him from himself. From being blinded to these drugs that were eventually going to take his life. I don’t want to be the one who shakes their hand at God in anger for not stopping this atrocity. But I don’t want to walk into his apartment again. I’m afraid of what I will find. Fear grips me every time I drive over there, or when I pick up the phone to call him. God have mercy. It slipped out of my mouth. Words came pouring forth. I just ask for mercy, God.

Let me be okay with the outcome, whatever that may entail. But let your mercy fall upon him. For you are good, Lord. Your mercies are everlasting. As I cried and poured out my request I believe He began to strengthen me for what was ahead. I trusted Him. I had to. What control did I have to orchestrate events? None. I am powerless. But my God is all powerful!

Turning my eyes from what the enemy had planned was all I needed to do. Take my perspective from the horizontal and position myself vertically with the One who could. Boldness found its way into my words. The truths of Scripture that I had claimed so many times before came to mind. These were God’s will and His promises to me and to you. Even if my son was unable or had no desire for a rescue, I, as God’s child would stand on those very promises to see me through.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion”, says my soul, “Therefore I have hope in Him!” Lamentations 3:22-24

 Perspective is everything. The enemy wants that we would see no end, no hope to our situations. He wants us blinded in the pain, defeated by his lies, and ruined emotionally on every level. It is his tactic and it can so easily entangle us. But God…

When we physically take the truth of the Scripture and place it in front view, we find the strength to face the day. He speaks life into us. He lives in us. It is His Way and it is good.

You may have recently received a diagnosis, or that dreaded phone call, or heard those devastating words. Your nightmare has become a reality. God has not left you; in fact, this is right where He meets you. In that place of despair and where darkness seems to loom. He brings light and He brings hope. His plan is one of redemption. To take what the enemy means for harm and to bring good from it.

Nothing changed that day in my son’s life. He went on as usual doing the things that brought so much pain. But something did change in me that day. I can’t take claim to that courage or confidence that I walked away with. It wasn’t what I did that made the change in me but who I committed my pain to. Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior who died for me so that I could live. Not because I deserve it but because He simply loves me.

What pains and heartaches are you facing today? Whatever they are, God wants to carry them for you. Let Him. Let go. He is stronger and He is mightier. Besides, He already has a plan. His plans are higher and nothing like we could ever imagine. Let Him carry your burden today. Your load lifted you become freer to be and to do all that He has planned for you. He is the lifter of our heads. Putting us in a place where we can have a different and better perspective. Will you give it to Him?

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

7 thoughts on “When My Heart Fails Me”

    1. Thank you, Tanya! It seems like such a simple act yet it has been a life long dream. So many have encouraged me along. I am blessed and humbled by the support. I do covet those prayers so please keep them coming. 🙂

  1. Lisa, I know the pain of being the child in addiction, I want you to know your love & faith is enough Lisa. God hears your pain & prayers. He is with you and for you. He will deliver you from this heartache at some point for your purpose and pla to come together. Keep praying, keep crying out and in His time things will come together for His glory. You are a beautiful woman of God and a daughter if the King most high and no man or drug in the world is stronger then our God. Pray Big Bold prayers!! I’m praying for your family!

    1. Meghan, that is sweet salve to both my heart and my mind. God has promised peace that surpasses all understanding. When I stand back and watch all that He has done up to this point my only reaction can be to fall down in humility for He is good. He has already broken so many chains in our family, one life at a time. I am filled with hope (confident expectation) of how He will continue to do what only He can do! Each of us have “Glory Story’s” of how He intervened. No matter what Satan brings on, God is always BIGGER! Thank you for standing with me; I am blessed and strengthened by your love.

  2. I love the image that’s given to the apostle John and to us in Revelation 19:11-16. Jesus, our valiant warrior King, Faithful and True, is riding forth on His white horse with the army of Heaven, Lord of Lords and King of Kings written on His robe and on His thigh. Sword blazing, He comes to break the bondage of satan, and to claim His Bride, His church, His beloved. The enemy knows his days are numbered in the face of Almighty God. I will pray for your son, and wait to hear the angels picking up his chains of addiction as they drop one by one. There is no power greater than Yahweh, and He will fight for you. Exodus 14:14. xo

    1. LeeAnn, what a sweet focus to start our day! What strength, what hope, Our King; every knee shall bow…ours in humble reverence, the enemy’s because of his doom. Truly, He has the final victory. I am always reminded that although Satan rules this world the scriptures say that we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. He is always advocating for and interceding in our affairs. God bless you, Sis.

  3. Lisa,
    I believe this has been a prayer that you you have been casting upon the Lord for many years? Me too, I too have a prodigal (but not using drugs) since he was a teen. He is now 33. He is disillusioned with the church. But recently he was being ministered to by a co-worker last fall and was “shook up” by the “Shemtah” talk. He was looking for a church in Menifee area to go to, I was soooo excited but when nothing eventually happened in a major earth shaking way – he cooled off. He has often been a mocker. Now my heart has sunk deeper. Faithfully the Spirit in me reminds me o&o. “But God…” I stand and wait for the deliverance of these prodigals. God is faithful to His testimony that He is not willing that ANY should perish. We can’t really comprehend exactly what that means in God’s Thoughts but in my child of God lingo is it an IV of never ending Hope. Ahhhh our God is a good good Father.

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